


In Another Life

by madly_fucked



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Diary/Journal, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve's Diary, based on the song, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:10:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11055846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madly_fucked/pseuds/madly_fucked
Summary: Pages dedicated to Bucky from Steve's journal through the years.[Based on the song lyrics from Another Life by Afrojack & David Guetta ft. Ester Dean]





	In Another Life

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I've heard this song so many times and it got me thinking.  
> I wanted to write something based on it but in slighty different style. So I came up with this.  
> The bold fragments are literally lyrics from the song, just so you know.  
> And they're a little bit mixed up, tho, so they could fit within the timeline.  
> First verse and course are for modern times and second verse is for the pre and during The First Avenger.  
> I own nothing.  
> I'm sorry for my mistakes and I hope you'll enjoy.  
> If you find any mistakes, you can let me now, I will appreciate it!

________________________________  
  
_Page #17_ **  
** July 4, 1934  
  
I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about what you did. I just can’t.  
I never dared to hope that you’ll ever feel the same way about me, like I’m feeling about you.  
Yet… You kissed me.  
I know that we were kinda drunk, but I want to believe that you… That it meant something for you.  
I want to believe that we can figure it out.  
I don’t want to lose you.  
I don’t want to lose my best friend.  
I don’t wanna ruin us and yet I want so much more from you.  
I want to give you everything.  
**I can’t imagine what this life would be** if I ever gonna lose you.  
  
________________________________

 

 ________________________________  
  
_Page #43  
_ May 8, 1935

I understand, I swear, I do.  
It’s just… hard. But I can take it.  
It hurts, but I _do_ understand, Buck.  
I know you’re such a jerk sometimes, but I know too that you’d never hurt me without a reason. And I see you hurting too, you know.  
So I get it. I’ll be your best friend, if that’s what’s better for us. _Just_ your best friend.  
  
________________________________

  
  
________________________________  
  
_Page #68_ _  
_ December 24, 1937

I can see it. I can see how you want to reach and touch me, but then you hesitate.  
I can see in the corner of my eye how you look at me sometimes.  
I can see how you want to say something, but then your mouth forms a tight line and you just shake your head with this sad smile.  
I can see that the light in your eyes isn’t so bright like it used to be.  
I see it everyday in the mirror too.  
It’s feels like **we holding on to fading memories.**  
  
________________________________

________________________________

_Page #75  
_ March 10, 1938

I thought it will become easier with time. But it didn’t.  
It’s not easier. Living together with you doesn’t make it easy at all.    
I just _can’t_ stop loving you. I tried, believe me.  
You know me, Buck. You know I don’t do things by halves.  
**I love you, you love me, but this love sets you free.**  
This kind of love, Bucky… It's a promise that will come true for those who wait.  
I can wait. I told you I do understand.  
Times change. Everything changes.  
It’s hard, but we’ll be okay. We’re always okay.  
  
________________________________

 

________________________________

_Page #92_  
November 17, 1943  


I don’t admit it often, but you were right, pal. This isn’t a back alley. It’s war.  
I see it now and it scares me. But not how you think it does.  
I’m not scared. I’m afraid for you. Seeing you there, in that base…  
God help me, I wanted to kill everyone who ever touched or hurt you.  
I don’t want to ever see you like that again. I want you home, safe and happy.  
I know you can go back to Brooklyn if you want.  
And I also know that you just won’t leave me alone out here. You’re stubborn jerk like that.    
**But if you choose to leave…  
** God, I just… Don’t want to see you hunted like that.  
So if you leave…  
It’s war, you said it yourself, I’ll… **well I’ll hope we meet** again.  
  
________________________________

 

 ________________________________  
  
_Page #9_  
March 10, 2013

So much time has passed since I woke up in the new world, but still **I’m waking up thinking how we used to be.  
** There’s so much things that I would like to share with you, talk to you about.  
Like visiting Grand Canyon, not only moving next to each other, but moving in together.  
I just want to do all the things we talked about. I want to do them with you.  
**I still hang on to our tired dreams.**  
It hurts. It’s your birthday and you’re not here.  
  
________________________________

 

________________________________

_Page #20  
_ February 14, 2014  
  
I saw something today.  
I wish I could talk to you about it.  
I wish I could tell you how wrong you were, saying that what we’ve felt, what we could have was wrong.  
**I wish we could turn back the hands of time, replace the poison that you left onto my mind.  
** It’s not wrong. It’s not. It’s normal. It’s right. It always has been.  
You said to me, that we couldn’t do it.  
That it will never work out and that **maybe we’ll meet again in another life.**  
Well, where are you? I miss you so goddamn much, Buck.  
  
________________________________

________________________________

_Page #23  
_ April 6, 2014  
**  
** You. It was you.  
I should’ve come back for you. But I didn’t.  
And it’s you, _it’s you_ , now, here in this new world, but _it isn’t._  
You don’t know me. You don’t even know who _you_ are.  
I should have come back for you. I should!  
What they’ve done to you… It’s my fault. It’s on me.  
Even when I had nothing, I had you.  
And now…  
You were right. **Maybe we’re better in another paradise.**  
  
________________________________

________________________________ **  
  
**_Page #24_ **  
** April 10, 2014  
  
You saved me.  
You pulled me out the river.  
You _knew_ me. I know you did.  
But now you are gone and only trace I’ve got it’s this file from Natasha.  
It’s terrible.  
Once, long time ago, I was afraid for you.  
Now, I’m grieving for you.  
You didn’t and still don’t deserve any of this.  
She warned me, you know, but I won’t give up. Not ever.  
I can’t. I have to keep going, because then **maybe we will meet again.**  
It doesn’t matter how long it will take.  
I’m coming for you and I’m bringing you home, Buck.  
  
________________________________

________________________________  
  
_Page #32_  
June 12, 2016  
**  
** I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this mess.  
And I’m sorry you had to choose to go under.  
It’s stupid, but I already miss you.  
I miss your smile.  
I miss your voice and your eyes.  
I miss you so much more now when I finally have you back here with me.  
I know you’re safe, but I can’t bring myself to leave yet.  
But soon I will have to. I need to find anything that will be able to help you.  
Once I’m back and you’re awake, we will talk.  
I’m sure that in the future more people will want to tear us apart and bring us down and **maybe we will fall again** ,  
but I promise you, we’re in this together and I’m with you till the end of the line.  
No matter what.  
For forever, if you’ll have me.  
I know we both changed, you’re not who you were, but neither am I.  
But we’re here, Bucky.  
**In another life.** We’re safe. And we will be happy, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.  
I love you, you jerk.  
I’ll see you soon, I promise.  
  
________________________________


End file.
